Gather round kids while I explain this manipulation tactic that men perpetually try to use and why it’s bullshit.
If someone is openly showing interest in you by making disparaging or disappointed comments about your age, they’re trying to put you on the defensive. This guy wants me to try to quell his discomfort, to bring up that I’m only a month shy of 20, etc. - he wants me to try to prove myself to him, that I’m mature and adult enough for a man like him.
His goal is to establish a power imbalance right off the bat. If we were to date, I would constantly be on the defensive, constantly striving to be an equal, constantly trying to prove my “adult” credentials. Anything he says or does or wants from this point on that I object to would just be seen as a strike against my age, proof that he was right and that I’m not mature enough for him. This is how SO MANY men pressure younger individuals (primarily women and girls) into situations and relationships they aren’t comfortable with. If he truly thought I was too young for him, he wouldn’t have messaged me. This is a very calculated move, and it’s fucking gross.
Adult relationships with age gaps are completely fine, but only if all parties view each other as equals. If someone is trying to set you up in a way that ensures that’s never a possibility, run far away.
It might just be me, but it looked a little more like a pick-up line if anything. I’m definitely one for reading between the lines, but this…….I think you’re going a little overboard. You can’t base his perspectives or objectives based on one single comment. I don’t know how big the age gap is here, but hell. If you’re 19 and he’s boarderline 30, I can see where he’s coming from. You look good, you are apparently a good match for him, but your age makes him wonder if he should go ahead with you. Men get a really bad rep dating people who are much younger than them (more so than women anyways: pedophile vs cougar: youth fetish versus a large feline) and if really thinks you’re beautiful, what’s with the harsh response? Your match-up is good. He says you look pretty. However, your age is a bit young for him. Shut up and take the compliment. It’s not like he said something highly sexualized or referenced your youth in a bad way.
If anything, I’d honestly say that he wants to give it a shot but is reluctant because you’re much younger than him (if that is the case, because his age wasn’t specified in this). Maybe he’s unsure, despite wanting to try something. You don't actually know his side of the story. Don’t assume it. Don’t generalize him to “SO MANY men”. That’s where I think you went wrong and a little overboard. Although the same could be said for me.
PS- not taking his side, just offering a second opinion.
